People suck from me all the goodness I might have, people use and abuse from my inexistent patient. They need me when they're bored and they dismiss me when someone else comes and me, stupid as hell, I keep allowing this shit to happen.
I've been to Italy this time, for seven days only to meet some people from my family, they're pretty cool actually. I noticed once again, not matter where I go I keep attracting the same kind of people, its like a vicious circus.
Sometimes I still believe love between humans actually exists but day after day that feeling gets deteriorated inside me and hate grows. I think I'm becoming colder and it kind of scares me but I seem not to be able to love, only hate.
I feel happier when I hate someone because then I'll hate that person forever but when I try to love someone I get hurt every second for nothing. Stupid love, why do you exist between some people when you seem to be absent from the whole world? Why do you enjoy provoking so much drama among the chaos? Isn't living painful enough yet?
People say, people talk about, people like, people dislike, people just FUCKING ANNOY ME!! Nothing is ever alright, words are never right, feeling are always misunderstood and no one seems to be happy, they believe in happiness but they're not happy. Being happy and believing in happiness is different. People only believe because they expect but happiness is only temporary, one minute is here next minute is gone and what's left?
I'm tired if drama, of getting emotionally attached to stupid people who don't even care but still I try. Why? I should just walk away or maybe walk over them like they do it with me but I really don't like to step on shit.
Do I find happiness in anything? Yes I do, on my nephews. My baby boy is the most amazing thing in my world and my baby girl isn't born yet but I love her so much although I don't know her yet. "My" children are everything to me but I don't really picture myself as a mother or a wife. I'm the one and only and I'll always be the one and only, I won't procreate.
I'm not patient, I feel like open my window and scream "Screw you" to everyone. I want to be on my own, alone. It's better to be single rather than being with someone who doesn't deserve you, who makes you laugh but makes you cry as well, who gives you hope and then takes it away.
People LOVE telling me "I told you so", immoral people of course, they've never looked at themselves, they've never had a mirror in front of them. I totally hate immoral people, those who screw up at everything, those who just screwed up but if you do it they'll try to be correct you. Don't do it with me, I get so pissed off. Don't tell me I need to grow up when you ain't finish grown yet, yes, SCREW YOU immoral people!!
I don't belong here, I don't want to be here, I confess I don't like this century at all. Why was I born? The question that never shuts up.
Love implanted a hate seed inside of me and let it there to grow and grow until it reaches unporpotinal dimensions. A little bit of me still believes someone is going to come and save me but I'm not allowing it to happen. I don't want to be loved and then hurt and then loved again. I'm not a casino, I'm not a game for addicts I'm still a human in this inhuman world.
I am not confident at all and it's amazing how even people who I truly love put me down everyday. My bad, I allowed it but aren't supposed friends to help friends not to destroy them?? Aaann! Frenemis, I guess, that's what I'm surrounded by.
Little cold and selfish society you made me believe there's no love to give. I never sold my soul, I never needed to I just know I belong to somewhere else, some other century not this one, somewhere new that might be old to you.
P.S: I know I'm a human too, I just don't like being one.
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